“I swear, this is my last drink!” How many times have you said this to yourself?(To all the Daadis and Mummies reading this, we mean Haldi ka Doodh!)Ah, the dawn of a new year, the time when resolutions emerge from the depths of good intentions and make their grand entrance into our lives. But again, we all (well, at least most of us) give up and forget about them about two weeks, maybe a maximum of 1 month into them! And for those who stick to them: Congratulations, you’re the rare breed turning New Year resolutions into reality—making the rest of us envious.

Disclaimer: This blog is purely for entertainment purposes. Neither Rigi, nor anyone associated with Rigi condones any unhealthy habit or behaviour.

Well, let’s get back to topic. What if these New Year resolutions could talk? They’d probably sound like a mix between a motivational speaker and a sarcastic comedian. Don’t you think?

So here’s how we think the New Year Resolutions would respond to having to get back to their work. (Honestly, I feel them, ugh.)

If New Year Resolutions Could Talk

The Gym Membership’s Lament

First up, meet our most enthusiastic yet short-lived resolution: the gym membership. “This is it, the year of transformation!” we declare every January. But by February, it’s singing a sadder tune. “Remember me? I’m that swipe card buried under a pile of takeout menus. I’ve seen more Netflix than treadmills. Someone, please save me from this couch!”

The Diet Plan’s Dilemma

Then, there’s the infamous diet plan. It starts with all the promise in the world. “Smoothies and salads, here we come!” But deep down, it knows its fate. By mid-January, it’s already bargaining, “Okay, maybe just one cheat day a week?” And by February, it’s a distant, chole bhature covered memory.

The Travel Plan’s Trials

Then comes the next new year resolution which cannot be striked off the list. The travel plan! It’s the dreamy resolution, plotting exotic destinations and cultural escapades. But soon, it’s grappling with the harsh realities of vacation days and budget constraints. Here’s what the travel resolution would say: “Maybe a virtual tour on YouTube counts as travel?” or maybe “Ja Simran ja jee le apni zindagi.”

Reduce Stress:

Finding relief from stress is like hunting for a mythical unicorn in grown-up land. Meditation and mindfulness act like magical spells to tackle life’s never-ending chaos. If only peace could be ordered in bulk on Amazon Prime – that would be a dream. Imagine just clicking a button for a serene package delivered straight to your doorstep, ready to calm the adulting storm. And here’s exactly what stress would say, looking at you right in the eye “kabhi kabhi jeetne ke liye kuch haarna padta hain.”

The Budget’s Bafflement

Ah, the budget. The month end constraints and cuts, the switch to biscuits from cookies and tapri wala chai from the big brands. The budget resolution is all about saving money and being financially responsible. It starts with spreadsheets and categorizations, but soon realizes it’s in over its head. “Why are there so many sales in January? And why does everything look so appealing when you’re trying to save?”

Improve Time Management:

Who haven’t been a slave to doom scrolling? Well, we are not sure what the resolution would tell you, but here’s what the reels and shorts would “Ek bar joh maine commitment kar di … uske baad toh main khud ki bhi nahi sunta” Managing time feels like chasing a mythical unicorn to get things done. They say to prioritize tasks, but maybe you’ll begin by deciding which procrastination trick to be a pro at first. It’s like trying to wrangle a bunch of wild tasks and deciding which one gets the front seat on the procrastination bus. Let the productivity games begin!

Improve Relationships:

Building stronger bonds, they suggest. As if your emotions aren’t already doing gymnastics. Maybe you’ll settle for a giant group hug with your feelings – seems easier. It’s like trying to juggle friendships while standing on a tightrope, hoping not to drop any. Here’s to hoping your emotional circus act doesn’t end up in a tangled mess this year. “Rishtey mein to hum tumhare baap hote hain, naam hain shahenshah.”

Improve Mental Health:

Nurturing mental health is like a gentle dance between brain cells and feelings. Maybe this year, you’ll become a serenity master or, at the very least, persuade your inner critic to take a break. It’s like aiming for a mind that’s as calm as a quiet river, where the dance of thoughts becomes a peaceful rhythm. Here’s to hoping for a serene year ahead! “Picture abhi baki hain mere dost.”

So here’s to another year of new resolutions and chances, each one armed with good intentions, a dash of humor, and a sprinkle of self-awareness. After all, if resolutions could talk, they’d probably say, “Here’s to trying, failing, and laughing our way through another year of grand plans and epic faceplants.” Cheers to that!

Rigi wishes you all a very Happy New Year 2024, filled with success, joy, and bigger communities! After all, “Kehte hain agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaho toh puri kainath use tumse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai“

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